Bye Bye 2009

Samantha and me at my going away party

Although I've been prepping for New Year's Eve plans, I haven't really stopped to think what this means. Today is the last day of 2009. I still think of this year as if ten years ago were the 90s. So much has happened this year. I started college. I moved into my first apartment. I've really began to develop a set of personal and professional interests that I truly feel like I can call my own. Living in Berkeley has taught me so much about people, about what I like, about what I don't like, about who I want to be and how to defy what I think others want me to be.

Me at my first college party night

D'arcy, me, and Jade at my dad's wedding

While I feel like I've grown a lot this year, I have still struggled with a lot of emotions. I'm still not entirely comfortable with myself around my family. I'm still self-conscious about everything I do, even though people continue to tell me that I shouldn't be. This may be why this year has been romantically dry. I just need to find my balance between what is reality and what is the fantasy I want to fulfill. Something I can work on for 2010: be more assertive and confident, more easily said than done.

Britney Spears: The Circus

Seika and me at the end of Spring semester

I began taking classes in my major, Media Studies, and fell in love with the subject. I left every class feeling more and more inspired by the world in which we live. I don't really feel as blinded by what I experience every day. I just love it, hopefully I can stay in the major because I truly love it and it would make my Berkeley experience worth while. Something I can work on in 2010: find what else in Berkeley makes me happy so I don't do something irrational and leave.

Front row at Kylie Minogue's first North American tour

Me and Kylie Minogue

I have struggled with a lot of personal relationships this year. I have such a hard time not getting emotionally attached to every single interaction that I come across. I over-think every situation, which contributes to be low self-confidence. I try to come across happy and bubbly, but there are truly very few people who make me happy. Those people who do make me happy, truly do. There are a handful of people, however, who really cause me to go to sleep feeling pretty shitty. Something I can work on in 2010: not letting everything get to me.

Me, Jonathan, and John having a BARE night

Aesthetically, something that means a lot to me, I have matured and developed a lot. I have been able to incorporate my love of pop culture and pop music into a more mature and serious aesthetic. This year, I saw Britney Spears, No Doubt, Kylie Minogue, and Lady Gaga; all of whom have had a tremendous impact on my life. I don't know what it is about pop music and these girls specifically, but I have just always felt a huge connection to them. Seeing them all in the same year really makes this a landmark year. While many would think that it is superficial of me to consider seeing them a pivotal moment, they just don't understand. I think as a boy who spent the first 17 years of his life in the closet, these artists provided a way to express myself without feeling persecuted for being who I am. So seeing them and feeling the same energy they felt, it just means so much to me, making 2009 quite special to me.

Production team photo post-shoot

My Halloween costume: Pop Star on the Moon

I feel like 2009 wasn't amazing, it definitely was an important year for me. There I go again, putting myself down because of my unnaturally high standards. Right now, my high standards and expectations keep me down, but I am hoping that my disinterest in accepting mediocrity will benefit me in the long run.

Zoe and me at Lady Gaga's The Monster Ball

I hope 2010 meets my expectations, it would be a big step for me.

Jackson and me waiting for The Monster Ball

Me and Elana hanging out during winter break, 2009

xo